On the other hand, if
you watch T&A horror movies for the T&A, you'll be rewarded
- Frances Raines,
niece of Claude Raines, of Casablanca fame, does some naked
calisthenics. Actually, Claude is the brother of her stepfather,
not her biological father, not that it really matters. After the
calisthenics, she rises from her hospital bed in the control of
some alien mind-meld thingy, and starts to mosey down a public
corridor in the buff. She makes it outside, and starts hanging out
in a weird ritual with other naked possessed chicks who were
apparently all fishing for Smallmouth Bass. Thankfully,
she didn't have to walk far to make it to the rituals ...
apparently the aliens have "convenience rituals", one on
every corner, instead of 7-Elevens. Good thing the ritual wasn't
in Finland or someplace ... she'd have had a heck of a time
getting there buck naked, and it would have turned out to be too
cold for naked rituals, except in a sauna. Frances' career was
somewhat less impressive than that of Uncle Claude. She did a few
Tim Kincaid movies and "Ryder, P.I.", the cult comedy
which marked Howard Stern's screen debut. (Ryder was to have been
issued on DVD weeks ago, but has been postponed several times)
- LeeAnn Baker takes
a shower. She
gets kind of sticky during the rituals, probably either from Alien
Sperm or Bass Gills. Most
highly intelligent alien civilizations come to earth mainly for
the top-notch bass fishing and the Jerry Springer show. Highly
intelligent alien travel agents also market the fact that earth
chicks do naked calisthenics and frequently shower on camera. Less well known is that
the #1 favorite earth singer among highly intelligent alien
civilizations is Slim Whitman, and earth is the only place where
his records are easily available.
- Natalie O'Connell
is a hospital patient who climbs out of bed
- Adrienne Lee
undresses while talking to her mother on the phone.
- Amy Brentano is
the fifth woman in the bass fishing pool.
All four women are
then seen walking stark naked through streets and hallways, then
playing or bathing or bass-fishing naked in a pool of alien slime. All four
women show T&A, but pubes are rarely seen, and when they are
visible it is only fleetingly. Hey, it's a T&A movie, not a
The director, Tim
Kincaid, was also at the helm of that noted cinematic masterpiece,
"Waldo Warren: Private Dick Without a Brain". Kincaid did
several of these exploitation movies in the mid 80's, then
Amazingly enough, the
DVD of this trashy movie was issued by MGM, of all people, who did a
good job mastering a widescreen anamorphic version of the film.
DVD info from Amazon.
you'll be surprised.
Although there are no features except the original trailer, and the
movie stinks ...
... this is
a good transfer of an anamorphic widescreen 1.85:1 version!
Tuna's comments in
characterized it as a terrible horror film, and a terrible piece of
film making, but an excellent source of T & A. I agree with him
about the T & A, but he gave the horror and general movie making
way too much credit. Ok, we have a spore-borne alien entity coming to
New York City to find hosts for breeding ... could happen, and
Manhattan is probably the most likely spot. They need to rape virgins
to start the process ... hey, if that's what they need, I can accept
that. They live in a sub-basement under the Empire State building ...
good choice, centrally located, and everyone knows how to get there.
So, so far, we have a very believable story.
Then the film goes
seriously wrong. The aliens find at least 5 attractive virgins in
their 20s in New York City. I will give a film maker a lot of leeway
in suspension of disbelief, but 5 good looking virgins over 20 in Fun
Five women were nude, showing T & A, and one of them, Frances
Raines, niece of Claude Raines, showed bush as well. Between Scoop and
I, we have probably grabbed enough of the frames that there is no
reason for you to sit through this.
- With their
votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters
score it a dismal 3.0, showing that they prefer quality
filmmaking to quality breasts
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, this film is a C+ as a T&A movie, but an E by
any other standard. If you want to see a good horror movie, or
a respectable low-budget film, or anything that involves
natural acting, this ain't your cup o' tea. (Tuna
says: As a T & A, C+, but as a film, solid F.)