California Heat (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Imagine my surprise.

I rented this movie because I thought the acting would be really good. After all, I reasoned, all the actors are employees of the Royal Shakespeare Company. Turns out that they are actually employees of the Royal Pudding Company. Oh, silly me. 

While the cast isn't very strong by the standards of actors, it must be around average for pudding salesmen. I'm not sure, exactly, what the pudding acting standard might be now, since I missed the annual company musical at Royal Pudding the past three years. I had a conflict. It was the same weekend as "Anchors Away!", the annual convention of the National Association of Anchor Manufacturers. I don't actually have a boat yet, but when I do, I want to make an informed choice of anchors, and I don't want one of those sleazy salesmen to sell me too much anchor for my craft.

NUDITY REPORT
The lifeguard's three girlfriends (Angelica Bridges, Tamara Landry, Brigitte Dazzo) all appeared topless, although there was never a very clear look at Ms Bridges.

Two women in minor roles (Yvette McClendon and Martine LeBlanc) were seen topless in a hot tub

But I guess the point is this: while the cast isn't that good at acting, I'd like to see how damned good Meryl Streep would be in the pudding biz. Let's drag her skinny ass down to the Food Marketers Institute convention and watch her try to compete with the Jello guy for more shelf space at Safeway.

I really didn't pay that much attention, but I think the movie is actually about this:

VHS info from Amazon.

no DVD available

Two lifeguards have a bet. The male lifeguard is an inveterate Casanova, and the female lifeguard is always late. So they bet each other that they can change. He has to stay with one woman, and she has to be on time every day. First failure loses his/her paycheck. Into this profound, nearly Proustian world, comes Mike, the evil lifeguard supervisor, and Rob, the boring boyfriend, Then some other stuff must happen, but I kinda lost interest and started to do something more interesting, like comparing the savings on long distance phone plans. I think I even called my insurance guy and asked him if he thought I had enough insurance.

I did see some scenes where they ran on the beach in slow motion while wearing red bathing suits, so I guess it was good training for Angelica Bridges' role on Baywatch. 

The Critics Vote

  • No reviews online, although I didn't check the Royal Pudding home page

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 5.6 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C. It is an OK T&A film, but of no interest if that isn't your thing.

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