Cock & Bull Story (Southside)

This film is also known as Southside.

SPOILERS

I'll be damned if I can figure out why anyone made this movie. We start out with the usual boxing movie about the poor kid using boxing to break free from poverty. His career is just starting to get noticed, he's getting some good bouts, and he's attracting the attention of Mr Big.

Nothing new so far, right?

Now here's the rub, so to speak. Whenever he gets in the clinches with another fighter and starts rubbing other manly flesh, he gets a hard-on. It really excites him.

Other boxers notice. Word hits the street.

All of the guys in the neighborhood have heard, and are writing stuff like "Rocky sucks dick" on the walls. Rocky's best buddy from the 'hood doesn't take kindly to this affront to his main man, so he starts to kill pretty much everyone in the neighborhood by hitting them with a lead pipe. Hoo, boy, is he steamed when he finds out that Rocky really does like to smoke the White Owl, which means that Lead Pipe Guy has gone and killed more innocent bystanders than Lt Calley, and all for nothing. The local cops are kinda upset by the whole pesky murder-spree thing as well.

Actually, to be serious for a sec, the whole sexual preference issue is left unresolved. The boxer either is not really interested in guys, or can't admit it to himself, or something. Tough guys from his part of New Jersey don't admit this kind of thing, not even to themselves. In fact, there is some suggestion that the murderous best friend guy may derive his homophobia from latent homosexuality of his own, but none of this is developed very deftly.

In fact, a lot of things are left unresolved when this film ends, and I found the ending completely unsatisfying in many ways.

Avoid it.

NOTES:

Look for some interesting cameos. (1) Remember Mary Hartman's husband from three decades ago? The character was played by Greg Mullavey, and he's in this movie as the boxer's crusty old trainer! I recognized his voice, but couldn't figure out who he was until I looked it up. I haven't seen him in years, maybe decades. His appearance is completely different now. (2) Kay Lenz is trying to mount a movie comeback, and she has a small role in this film as the boxer's mom. (MILF!!)

Mullavey and Lenz are shown below.

NUDITY REPORT

Wendy Fowler shows her breasts, as the boxer's girlfriend
Bret Roberts, the star, shows his buns

DVD info from Amazon

widescreen anamorphic
full-length director's commentary.

Guess who wrote and directed this film? Billy Hayes. Sound familiar? Think. Dig deep into your memory. You know who he is. Remember the movie Midnight Express? No, Billy didn't write or direct or star in it. It was about him! (He did write the book on which it was based.) The entire Turkish prison experience of Midnight Express was based on an actual period in the life of this same Billy Hayes. In the 25 years or so between writing that book and this script, he had no other writing credits. His most interesting acting credit was in a film called Shakespeare's Plan 12 From Outer Space. I suppose that is where he met Kay Lenz, who also acted in that esteemed cinema classic. (I haven't seen it, but I want to!)

The Critics Vote ...

No reviews online

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 5.9/10. (Overrated, I believe. 4.0 - 4.5 would be more like it. The existing score has been poisoned by the fact that 30% of the small number of voters have scored it 10/10. Those people must be related to Billy Hayes.)

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a D. Different kind of boxing film. Way too shallow and superficial for such weighty subject matter. It brings the homoerotica/homophobia subject up like a tease, then lets it all die away, virtually unexplored.