Goldilocks and The Three Bares (1962) from Tuna
Goldilocks and the Three Bares was thought to be
totally lost before Something Weird found the original negative from
which this DVD was mastered. It is one of two "musical fairy tale"
titles on a new release from Something Weird Video, the other being
Sinderella and the Golden Bra. Sinderella is in poor shape and
actually has very little nudity. It was the second nudie musical.
Goldilocks was the first nudie musical and, honestly, is an awful
film. However, the DVD is a must own because it contains a
commentary with the legendary softcore producer David Friedman,
which is priceless. The back story for this film is orders of
magnitude more interesting than the film itself. But first, let's
correct the IMDB errors.
The film was made in 1962, not 1963. The industry and censorship laws were changing so fast in the 60s that a year is a big difference. The running time is 97 minutes, not 70, as reported. The film is a musical nudist film, not a drama. The lead actress, who was known as Bunny Downe, is shown as Allison Louise Downe at IMDB, and Vickie Miles in the actual film credits. The budget was $35,000, not $25,000.
Thomas J. Dowd was the floundering owner of a small art theater in Chicago, when a certain Walter Bibo took his 1954 film Garden of Eden to the New York Supreme Court against the New York Film Review Board, and received a "nudity itself is not obscene" ruling that cleared the way to exhibit nudist films. Dowd immediately booked Garden of Eden, splitting the receipts with Bibo. He was suddenly solvent, and decided he was going to make his own nudist film, and that it would be the best nudist film ever, and the first nudie musical.
He hired Dave Friedman to produce and future slasher king Herschell Gordon Lewis to direct. Dowd bought the rights to a bunch of really bad original songs, and had Friedman record them in Chicago, with musicians from the Chicago Symphony, who couldn't believe they were actually getting paid to play this garbage. While on a pre-production scouting trip to Florida, Dowd found a singer that he decided was going to be the next male crooner and heart-throb, Rex Marlow. Rex was actually a pool boy, a job which he took after failing as a gardener by cutting off a finger with a lawn mower. His acting was about as good as his gardening, his singing was worse, and he was kind of a prima donna. When it came time to do the filming, Marlow couldn't even lip-synch to his own voice.
Dowd was the kind of guy who was impressed by celebrities, and he found a former Light Heavyweight Champion, Joey Maxim, to appear in the film. Maxim had won the title in a mid-August bout in Yankee Stadium when the champ collapsed from heat exhaustion in the 13th round. When scouting nudist camp locations, Friedman and Lewis visited one legitimate nudist camp. A woman Friedman called Madam Zelda, Queen of the Nudists, invited them to a lunch of Franco-American spaghetti, but they had to disrobe. As Friedman put it, "Madam Zelda's mammaries had long since served their purpose, and kept dipping into the spaghetti."
|In the end, they couldn't shoot in an actual nudist camp because Dowd decided he wanted nude yachting, and nude horseback riding. Think about this. How would you like to be naked on a galloping horse? They rented a house on an inland waterway, and a neighbor's yacht to film the nudity, which is the last 10 minutes of the film.|
Most of the film is plot and music. Marlow falls for a
press writer, Downe, and, at first, has trouble accepting that she is
a nudist. He comes around for the final 10 minutes of the film. No
actual nudists were used in the making of this film, or, indeed, most
of the "nudist camp" films. The truth was that typical nudists were
not all that appetizing, and Bunny Yeager had a stable of young models
that worked mostly as nudists in these films in South Florida.
Although Bunny Downe was from this cadre, she had gone to High School
with Bob Cressy, and struck up a friendship with the director, who
brought her back to Chicago, where she worked mainly as a secretary.
She is credited as screenwriter in several film credits but her actual
contribution was typing the scripts.
Dowd invested $35K for this masterpiece, which was twice normal for the genre, but made it all back just from the run in his own theater, even though the Bibo case cleared the way for all of the 1930s B&W nudists films to be exhibited. This was, after all, the adult film of the early 60s, and the quaint nudity we see here was very hot stuff then. During the early 60s, "pickle and beaver" was absolutely forbidden in films, but in this film they slip into several frames, so male genitalia and female pubic areas can be seen through the modern miracle of freeze frame.
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