Lord of the G-Strings

Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String (2003) is a marathon softcore porn parody from Seduction Cinema, shot entirely on film, rather than their usual digital video.

Misty Mundae stars as Dildoe Sagins, a simple Throbbit from Throbbiton who is charged by Smirnoff the wizard to take the G-String created for the evil Whorespank (Paige Richards) to the edge of the kingdom and destroy it, thereby saving Diddle Earth. Accompanying her on her quest are Spam (A. J. Kahn) and Horney (Darian Caine), and they are eventually joined by Araporn (Barbara Joyce). Along the way, they encounter any number of perils, as well as those who aide the quest. Anoushka as Benadryl and Allanah Rhodes as Hymen Torn are two elves who save Dildoe after an attack, and take her to Las Lesbius to heal.

The evil wizard is named Sourass, and IS a fart joke. Smirnoff the Wizard is a drunk and a letch.

Since IMDB currently has only sketchy information on this release, here are the female cast members and character names:

Dildoe Sagins - Misty Mundae - 3 Bs
Horney - Darian Caine - 3 Bs
Spam - A. J. Kahn - 3 Bs
Benadryl - Anoushka - 3 Bs
Hymen Torn - Allanah Rhodes - 3 Bs
Whorespank - Paige Richards- breasts only, in G-String
Drusila - Kelli Summers - 3 Bs
Tree Nymph - Juliette Charles - 3 Bs
Araporn - Barbara Joyce - 3 Bs
Bar Maid - Ruby LaRocca - Breasts and bush

It is a very good genre effort. It spoofs the incredibly popular Lord of the Rings Trilogy, is well-photographed, and stars Misty Mundae, who has a huge following. There are also several laughs. For me, the film works best when it is parodying the Lord of the Rings. This will sound odd, but there was actually too much exposure and lesbian sex for me. Note, IMDB shows it as R rated, and Amazon lists it at 90 minutes. It is actually Unrated, and could never get an R for the 98 minutes on the DVD. They have some very crude computer generated graphics and effects, but are on much stronger ground with costume, story, acting (which ranges from adequate to pretty good), and well lit cinematography. I say the acting is good, but it is clearly over the top, with lots of mugging and exaggeration.

DVD info from Amazon

full-screen
see the main commentary to the right

The DVD also contains two behind-the-scenes features, one shot during the filming, with interviews with cast members between takes, and many sequences with the director setting up shots, and the actual filming of those shots. These not only give you a chance to meet performers out of character, but give a lot of insight into the making of the film, unlike many such "behind-the-scenes" specials, which are little more than an exaggerated ad trailer.

The Critics Vote

No major reviews online. IMDb has a few reviews from genre specialty sites.

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 8.2/10 (12 voters)

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this easily wins a C+, which is the highest possible grade for a soft-core film. While they could have done more with the story, they took the parody quite far for a soft-core, and certainly delivered on the female flesh. If I had to chose the ten best soft-core films, this might well be among them.