Love on a Pillow (1962) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

Now here's a classic!

You know you're in trouble when the IMDb says that you should be watching a French movie, 102 minutes long, in color, called "Warrior's Respite", and the DVD box says it is a 64 minute film, in black and white, dubbed in English, called "Love on a Pillow".

I'm sure you're waiting with bated breath for me to resolve the conflict for you. Here are the facts, and some other equally pressing information.

The length: it is 102 minutes. The film was improperly mastered onto the DVD into two separate chapters. The first is 38 minutes long, the second almost 64. Whoever wrote the liner notes seems to have been unaware of the first chapter. You should start to suspect that something is amiss here besides math. When was the last time you saw a DVD mastered in this way? I have ne'er seen one, and I've seen one big ol' shitload of DVD's.

The color: it seems to have been a color film originally, but it is now impossible to say. The film can't really be called black and white, because there is neither black nor white. The colors encompass the full range of the pink spectrum, from dark pink to light pink. Reminds me of a team we played against in high school. Their school colors were light green and dark green, which really didn't make for any stirring cheers or songs. Most teams can be moved to manly rodomontade by a harkening to the ol' "blue and gold", or the ol' "crimson and white", symbolic of the mother of their souls. But you never really get any good cheerleading mileage out of the ol' "forest green and mint green". Although it isn't bad for the rhyming aspect, because "green" does technically rhyme with "green". Similarly, the ol' "light pink and dark pink" is a most unpromising palette for a cynical existentialist love story.

The title: it doesn't matter. Neither title makes the slightest bit of sense. I think the original warrior theme had something to do with Don Quijote, which the guy was always reading.

The DVD mastering: In addition to the other problems, it is in a 4:3 aspect ratio, badly pan & scanned so that the principals sometimes wander out of the shot to the right or left as they are speaking or walking. My guess is that they simply found a very old, color-damaged, dubbed, pan-and-scan version, digitized it, and transferred it to a DVD. As mentioned earlier, they didn't even do that properly. 

The ending: I know I always spoil movie endings for you. I can't spoil this one. I just watched it ten minutes ago, and I can't remember how it ended.

The dialogue: One sample will explain it better than my comments.

She: What will you do now?

He: What everyone does.

She: No, I mean where will you go?

He: I don't know.

She: Well, where are you from?

He: Nowhere.

She: Nobody comes from nowhere. You didn't suddenly appear.

He: I came from the void. I live in the void.

Got the idea?

So, there you have it. A dark pink and light pink film dubbed into pretentious English sound bites, accompanied by a frivolous soundtrack, in a badly pan-n-scanned 4:3 aspect ratio. A perfect rendering of the director's vision. 

I should mention that Roger Vadim did not seem to do a very good directing job to begin with. I'm being charitable with that verbiage. Based upon the running time, I think that his editing and cutting are retained from the original version, but the film is choppy, the scene transitions are abrupt, and there are sudden jumps, as if some frames were missing in between the parts. That will just add to your woes if you watch this. 

Which you shouldn't.

On the other hand, it looks like there might have been some very good visuals here when the film was in its original size and color, and I'd love to see a widescreen DVD mastered from an original print or the negatives. As for the sound, who knows? At least in this version, there is no way to say whether the original French dialogue was less pretentious, or the music was a bit more soulful. I think we can bet that both statements are true to some degree, but I don't know to what degree.

Setting aside the question of what the original might have included, and speaking only of this version, this is the second worst DVD I have ever watched (the titleholder still being "Glam"), and the nudity is insignificant.

Avoid it.

Tuna's comments in yellow:

Repos du guerrier, Le (1962), or Love on a Pillow, starring Brigitte Bardot is now available on Region 1 DVD. The film was written and directed by Roger Vadim, and is based on a novel by Christiane Rochefort. Brigitte is from the upper-middle class, always on time, almost engaged to a proper man, and a 20-something virgin. 

She is off to collect an inheritance in another city. When she checks into her hotel, she enters the wrong room by mistake and discovers a man unconscious from a suicide attempt. She gets him to the hospital, and then, out of pity, checks him out, misses her train, and invites him to the home she inherited. The next day they return to her flat. He has lost interest in everything except bedding Bardot, and believes in nothing except living for the moment. He also drinks like a fish. Naturally (did I just say that?) Bardot falls for him in a big way and begins a passionate affair. He does nothing but spurn and ridicule her. This is not your typical romantic comedy.

The DVD is made from some very poor master, and is grainy, monochrome, but maroon, not B&W. Had this not been BB showing her breasts from the side, I would not have bothered.