The Prophecy II (1998) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

It's sequel time, and the Archangel Gabriel (Christopher Walken) is back from hell in order to pick up where he left off - prosecuting the second civil war in heaven while various good angels conspire to defeat him. Gabriel has a problem. Apparently the official angel lore states that he will be on the losing side in the war because of one of the Nephilim.

What?? 

According to this movie, the Nephilim are the earth-born offspring of angels and human women, and this child is sort of the angelic version of The Chosen One. It all relates to this passage from Genesis 6 (Revised standard version)

"When men began to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were fair; and they took to wife such of them as they chose. The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men that were of old, the men of renown."

John Gray clarified the Hebrew Nephilim myth in his book Near Eastern Mythology:

"The tradition in Genesis 6:4 may reflect the Canaanite myth of the birth of minor gods from the union of El and human women. The conception of the Rephaim as supermen may reflect the Canaanite tradition of defunct kings as rp'um, or Dispensers of fertility. Those giants...are termed n'philim (lit. 'those who have fallen' or 'perished'). A similar tradition mentions such a race of primordial giants in the Rephaim. The identity in tradition of 'the fallen ones' of Genesis 6:4 and the Rephaim is supported by the nature of the latter in Proverbs 2:18; Job 26:5 and Phoenician funerary inscriptions."

Oh, those Phoenicians! They had a funerary inscription for every purpose.

King Jimmy had a slightly different translation of the first four verses of Genesis 6. Instead of "The Nephilim were on the earth in those days", Jimbo's version rendered the phrase in words more familiar to our ears: "There were giants in the earth in those days." Either way, the movie is basically using that passage to prove that the Nephilim are the half-human scion of angels, and can walk among us.

So the nice angels need a Nephilim lad, he who is prophesied to defeat Gabriel and the other naughty angels. In order to sire this powerful li'l nipper, one of the good angels must take human form and have some rip-roarin' good sex with Jennifer Beals. Danyael thinks this sounds like a pretty sweet assignment, so he volunteers. Beals herself is fairly pleased with the procedure until Danyael is just about to do the deed, when he goes all angel on her, drops the whispers and pillow talk, and starts looking deep into her eyes and speaking like Richard Burton in a biblical movie, solemnly intoning stuff like "dost thou accept me?" And she's, like, all "what the fuck ever, homes" until she sees that he's not kidding, so she says "OK, OK, I accept you" just to turn off the Gregorian music concert and get on with the fuckin'. Unfortunately for her, angels have no experience in these matters of the flesh, and aren't really very skillful in the sack. Ol' Danyael kinda dispenses with the small talk and the tenderness portion of the activity and commences to pound into her like a jackhammer without an off switch. Needless to say, this one act of hot angel-on-girl action places his mighty angel seed in her lady egg, and The Chosen One is conceived.

Hoo, boy! Is Gabriel ever ticked off when he finds out that The Chosen One is on the way! He had been just lollygaggin' around in hell, playing bridge with Satan and Hitler and Nixon when he heard about the whole Nephilim scheme, so he waited until he was dummy, then returned to earth to deal with the baby who could someday defeat him.

Of course, Gabe can't expect an invitation to the baby shower, so he then has to devote all of his energy to hunting down Jennifer Beals and ripping the baby from her womb. Oh, yeah, and while he's at it, he'll probably rip out her heart as well, just because heart-ripping seems to be a real source of relaxation in his tension-filled life. After all, everyone needs a hobby, and the only thing Gabe has is heart-ripping and bringing Brittany Murphy back from the dead.

(The fleshy and brunette version of Murphy is nearly unrecognizable. See picture to the right.)

Will Big Gabe track Beals down, or will Danyael and his boss, the powerful but cryptic Michael the Archangel (played by the ever-holy Eric Roberts), be able to save her? The two kingpins, Michael and Gabriel, must eventually face off in the Garden of Eden. Unfortunately, humans have built an ugly factory on the site, and there is nothing left of the original paradise except one unhealthy, sparsely blossoming tree which bears a grand total of one apple. (Someone reaches for the apple and Walken admonishes, "Don't touch that. Trust me.")

Prophecy II is a straight-to-vid cheapie that lasts only 75 minutes between credits and really needs a few more lightbulbs. It doesn't offer much entertainment except the predictably weird Walken and a few crazy examples of over-the-top imagination.

Series News

 

Christopher Walken plays Gabriel in all three films of the original trilogy, but two more Walkenless sequels are going straight-to-vid in 2005. The complete series will then include:

Here's the scoop on the two new ones from Fangoria.
     

DVD INFO

  • The link to the left goes to The Prophecy Box Set, which includes the first three films (all with Christopher Walken as Gabriel). They are not anamorphically enhanced for 16x9 screens, and the set includes no features.
  • The other two links lead to upcoming films which will come out in June and October of 2005.

NUDITY REPORT
Christopher Walken's body double is seen naked from the rear as Gabriel leaves hell.

Jennifer Beals and Russell Wong do a sex scene which exposes his bum, her breasts.

The Critics Vote ...

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, it's a C-. It has a few imaginative concepts and Christopher Walken, and is part of a trilogy, so it is therefore a must for genre nuts. The rest of you should probably back off.

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