Student Confidential (1995) from Brainscan

You cannot believe what a muddled mess this movie is. There this guy, see. And he's a millionaire with a whacko nympho of a wife, but she won't screw him and even though she lolls around the house all nekkid and stuff, she gets pissed when he looks at her. And he becomes a school counselor and gives all kinds of high-minded speeches to no one in particular and gets the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of guys who he hired in the first place or something and... None of it makes a lick of sense.

The way I figure it, a floridly psychotic individual wrote a long screenplay in which the scenes that did make sense were broken up by scenes that were just plain fruitcakes, so someone else cut out all the craziness and they made a movie that turned a profit. Then someone else had the idea of taking all the lithium-deprived scenes that had been cut in the first movie, filming THEM and selling it as another movie by a writing genius. Things aren't random but there is such temporal and logical oddness you just know it was written, filmed and edited by someone with two functioning neurons and one active synapse. It is the only way to explain what you see when you look at Student Confidential.

Three women do take off their clothes.

• Susie Scott, Hefmate for the month of May 1983, goes full frontal on us in her one and only screen appearance outside the videos the Hefster markets himself. Susie plays a student who is unpopular with the guys 'cuz she has a facial scar, which I could not see at all. Plus the idea that a blonde with her bod couldn't get any action because of a tiny imperfection violates the Blonde Rule (which states that if you put a blonde wig on a rat's ass there are plenty of guys who will ask it out for a date).
• Paula Sorenson plays the millionaire-counselor's nympho wife. She also has a right nice full-frontal scene.
• Elizabeth Singer plays the rich bad girl, a character all teen movies must have or they risk causing a fatal rip in the space-time continuum. She gets almost topless in a scene with the millionaire guy and then does get topless in a much later, much darker scene.

I know not what the Troma guys were up to when they did this one. None of their films reach the standards set by MGM or Paramount, but usually there is something to hang onto. Not here.