Uncle Scoopy's Fun House (scoopy.net) is a daily internet e-zine dedicated to keeping its readers abreast and abuttock of the latest in celebrity nudity.
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|In December of each year, Uncle Scoopy's Fun House runs a members ' poll to select the best nude performances among that year's releases. This year's competition was open to films and TV shows which were released in 2004, or films which were not available until 2004.||
Here, for your delectation, the
members present the poll results, our equivalent of the Oscars, for the best
screen nudity of the year 2004.
(Bold titles link to film reviews. Pictures link to DVD info, when available.)
|20. Rachel Miner in NY-LON
A Channel 4 production from the U.K., NY-LON follows the troubled romance between a bohemian New York record store clerk and a London stock broker.
This represents Miner's second appearance on our annual lists, following Bully in 2001.
|19. Emily Mortimer in
This marks the third consecutive annual appearance for the thin, vulnerable actress with the deceptively large chest.
Mortimer and Ewan McGregor perform an exceptionally violent sex scene in Young Adam. He covers her with condiments, canes her mercilessly, then takes her from behind.
|18. Blanchard Ryan in
Open Water was marketed as the Blair Witch Project of 2004, an eerie story of two yuppies left out in the open sea by a tour boat.
The film did not perform as well as expected, and Blanchard's career hasn't taken off, but she proved popular enough with our voters.
|16. (t) Karimah Westbrook in
Baadassss! is a Mario van Peebles film which pays loving tribute to his father's legendary contributions to independent cinema, recalling the creation of "Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song".
Westbrook provided beautiful eye candy in several scenes.
|16. (t) Yekaterina Goluvbeva in
You may not know this film, but the vote is legitimate. Golubeva is sexy, and was very naked very often.
As for the movie, the Movie House called it "utter crap," and rather euphemistically called the director "clueless."
|15. Caroline Dhavernas in The Tulse
So close to glory. This is a great set of nude scenes and Dhavernas is ripe and beautiful. If anyone had seen The Tulse Luper Suitcases, or if Dhavernas had become a major star from the critically applauded "Wonderfalls", this entry would have been in the top five. If both of those things had happened, it would certainly have been number one or two,
|14. Elisha Cuthbert in
The Girl Next Door
Considering that Cuthbert played a porn star and didn't really get much flesh out in the open, one must conclude that these votes were cast for her and not for the scenes.
If the film had been shot as originally intended, with Cuthbert supplying ample nudity, it might have been our winning entry.
|13. Ludivine Sagnier in La Petite Lili
I think this is the first time the members have chosen a film I have never seen. Never mind that. I approve the choice just based on general principles and this one picture.
Ludivine is one of the world's great beauties. She's appearing on the list for a second consecutive year, and I expect her to appear on these lists for many more years to come.
Angelina Jolie in
It's no surprise to see Angelina Jolie on the list. Her breasts are now a familiar but always welcome sight in films.
This represents her third appearance as a poll winner, and her ninth nude scene in the past 12 years.
Claire Danes in
By any objective measurement, this scene should not be in the top ten. Claire is no glamour girl, and she barely exposed a single nipple.
She appears here because our voters have been waiting since Romeo and Juliet to see that tiny breast in good light.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Strip Search
Nobody can claim that Maggie is not a fearless actress. She won the #7 spot on our poll in 2002 for her bold full frontal scene in Secretary, and she rejoined the top ten this year with this made-for-cable scene in which she is stripped stark naked and humiliated by a Chinese interrogator.
|9. Mia Kirshner in The L Word
It seems like only yesterday when an 18 year old Mia was modestly showing part of a single breast in Adam Egoyan's masterful Exotica.
Since then, she has embraced adulthood unabashedly with extensive nude scenes in Century Hotel and now in The L Word, an HBO soap opera about lesbians, in which Mia plays a would-be straight girl who falls under the lesbian spell.
|8. Juliette Lewis in
Although the movie is obscure and barely known in America (and for good reason), this scene clearly belongs in the top ten.
Juliette is an established actress, and it is rare for someone of her stature to spread her legs on camera in a "mainstream" film.
|7. Natalie Portman in Closer
Similar to the Cuthbert vote, this choice represents a pro-Portman vote rather than the quality of the scene itself. Director Mike Nichols had originally filmed a brief topless scene but cut it from the final release, so the only remaining nudity was Natalie's butt in a thong.
That alone was enough for seventh place,
|6. Rosario Dawson in Alexander
Alexander is going to turn into one of the worst financial disasters in film history. It grossed only $33 million in the USA, despite a total investment of about $200 million counting production costs, advertising, and distribution.
A shame. If the film had been a major success, Rosario would probably have been able to claim A-list stardom.
|5. Jordan Ladd in
Club Dread was Broken Lizard's lame follow-up to their cult hit Super Troopers. There were only three good things about the movie. One was Bill Paxton's impersonation of Jimmy Buffett, and the other two are seen in the picture to the right.
The diminutive Jordan and a gymnast body double teamed up for some of the most entertaining nudity of the year.
Neve Campbell in When Will I Be Loved?
Neve's nudity in this film is not as good as some of the other performances lower on the list, but losing one's "nudity cherry" always results in a high score on our polls.
In this case a high ranking resulted from the fact that the girl next door finally stopped teasing and got her goodies out on camera.
|3. Chloe Sevigny in
The Brown Bunny
Oral sex performed on camera in real time in mainstream films by non-porn actresses is one of the rarest sights in the cinema. It has happened fewer than a dozen times in film history, and I can't name another instance with an American actress.
Chloe made history in this film.
|2. Mimi Rogers in
The Door in the Floor
If you had told me before the year began that second place would be occupied by a 50ish woman doing full frontal and rear nudity in perfect lighting, I would not have believed you.
Of course, this is not just any 50ish woman, but Mimi Rogers of the enormous natural chest and perfect heart-shaped bottom which (astoundingly) still looks the same as ever.
1. Eva Green in The Dreamers
She won the balloting by a wide margin, and there is no question in my mind that our members made the right choice. She's young, she's a dish, it's her first screen nudity, she has a lush body, and she spent most of a Bertolucci movie stark naked. What else is there?
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