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|In December of each year, Uncle Scoopy's Fun House runs a members ' poll to select the best nude performances among that year's releases. This year's competition was open to films and TV shows which were released in 2005, or films which were not available until 2005.||
Here, for your delectation, the
members present the poll results, our equivalent of the Oscars, for the best
screen nudity of the year 2005.
(Bold titles link to film reviews. Pictures link to DVD info, when available.)
Rachel Weisz in
The Constant Gardener
Rachel uncharacteristically showed her breast and her bum in flashback scenes representing the tender memories of a man who lost his wife to a violent murder.
The Constant Gardener was directed by the highly acclaimed Fernando Meirelles (City of God), and was widely considered one of the best films of 2005.
|17. (t) Vera Farmiga in Down to the Bone
When the Los Angeles Film Critics announced that their best actress of the year in a starring role was Vera Farmiga, many people, including me, were rushing to their reference books, thinking "Who?"
I still haven't seen this film, and I'm still only half-aware of who Vera is, but our voters were astute and knowledgeable enough to slide her into the top twenty for the very role which won her the unexpected acclaim.
Maria Bello in
A History of Violence
A History of Violence is the latest and possibly the most accessible film from the eccentric Canadian auteur, David Cronenberg. It was one of the best-reviewed films of the year.
Maria also finished 11th in our 2003 poll for her role in The Cooler, so this marks the second appearance on our annual list for the woman who has become just about the official Hollywood go-to gal when directors need a "hot mature babe."
|17. (t) Lori Heuring in
Like Carlito's Way 2: The Rise to Power (see below), this is a misnamed film - it is not a sequel to 8mm in any way. Despite that, I liked it. It's a pretty good noir "sting," with copious nudity.
Before this straight-to-vid thriller, Lori Heuring seemed to be building a career by specializing in the near-nude tease. Not any more, Her nudity in 8mm2 is the real thing, and she looks great,
Zita Gorog in
Two performances from the same film making the top 20 and finishing with the exact same number of votes? How about that?
I really don't know anything about Zita, but I've seen the film and the still pictures don't do her justice. She may be obscure, and the film may have gone directly to the bargain bin, but Zita nonetheless deserves her spot on the list.
|17. (t) Jacklyn DeSantis in
The Rise to Power
This straight-to-DVD film isn't a bad yarn, but it managed to upset a lot of critics by being billed as a prequel to Carlito's Way. Frankly, they were right to complain, in the sense that if the Carlito character had sported a different moniker, nobody ever would have spotted a connection between the two films. In fact, the film resembles Goodfellas more than it resembles Carlito's Way.
Despite that controversy, nobody can deny that Jacklyn is hot, or that this is a good nude scene.
|17. (t) Carla Gallo in Carnivale
Some critics have been kind to this strange, risk-taking show, while others have damned it as impenetrable and pretentious. Even the show's supporters admit to having been baffled by it on occasion.
There is general agreement, however, that the experimental HBO series has turned Carla into a cult star.
|15. (t) Joan Allen in
Off the Map
The exposure in this PG-13 film is demure and subtle, and the full body exposure is far from the camera, but it's still a big deal.
Joan is a highly respected actress who has avoided nudity throughout her career. Then suddenly, in her late 40s, she's walking around stark naked in a field. We appreciate it.
|15. (t) Anne
Hathaway in Brokeback Mountain
Anne batted 1.000 as a rookie, having done the first two nude scenes of her life and managing to get them both into our top twenty.
|14. Juliette Marquis in
This Girl's Life
This finished the highest among movies made for cable (as opposed to a cable series or straight-to-vid).
Juliette impressed many critics, including me, with her acting ability, and her willingness to go the extra mile for a role. (She did a lesbian scene with a real-life porn star.). A glance to the right will show you that her thespian and lesbian skills are matched by beauty.
|12. (t) Jamie King in
Jamie's work was overshadowed by Carla Gugino's nudity in the very same film, but this is a sexy, beautiful, and dramatic nude scene which fully earned its place on the list.
Felicity Huffman in
I'm not completely sure, but I'm speculating that Felicity is the first mainstream performer to do full frontal male and female nudity in the same movie. I can't think of anything comparable.
She plays most of the film as a pre-op male-to-female transsexual, then does the nude scene to the right after her operation.
Claire Danes in
Claire has never made our Top 10, but she can't get any closer without actually making it. This is her second straight year in 11th place!
Last year she brought out a delicate breast for Stage Beauty. This year she did a surprisingly sexy full rear shot for Steve Martin's Shopgirl. This is the first time her bum has made an appearance on screen since it appeared in a thong nine years ago in To Gillian.
|10. Alison Lohman in Where the Truth Lies
This film is basically a drama disguised as a noir mystery, and was doomed to obscurity by an NC-17 rating and its apparent arthouse provenance. (It was directed by the cerebral Atom Egoyan,) Its widest distribution in the United States was a meager 95 theaters.
But at least it gave us Alison topless.
|9. Mia Kirshner in The L Word
In one of the strangest coincidences in the history of our poll, this is the second straight year Mia has appeared on our poll, both times have been in ninth place, and both for the same show (seasons one and two)!
We're looking forward to seeing Mia top herself in Season 3.
|8. Jennifer Esposito in
To be honest, this is not much of a nude scene - just a quick flash of a breast while she's on her back - but our voters are heavily influenced by all sorts of factors. Jennifer is popular and the movie was both successful and critically-lauded. That kind of exposure counts for just as much as the "bare flesh" kind.
Polly Walker in Rome
This was the top scene from a cable series.
Polly will turn 40 next year, but just seems to be getting sexier every year.
She did her first nude scene in 1992, and this is her second appearance on our annual Top 20 list, following her full-frontal appearance in 8 1/2 Women in 2000.
|6. Kelly Brook in Three
It's amazing that this film finished as high as sixth in our poll, considering that almost nobody has actually seen it. It's in limbo. It seems to have been made with a theatrical release in mind and its production consumed a fairly substantial budget ($9 million), but nobody seems to know what kind of future distribution it will receive. The production has been enmeshed in various legal battles with the cast, and so far it has been seen only in Greece (and on the internet).
On the other hand, one glance to the right will explain why an unseen movie placed so high in the voting
|5. Bryce Dallas Howard in Manderlay
I would have chosen this in the number two slot. Ms Howard did not do as much nudity or participate in as many sex acts as Margo Stilley, but Stilley is a complete unknown, and ... and ...
Opie's daughter doing a spread shot? Wadda world ... wadda world ...
Margo Stilley in
If our annual list were based entirely on my opinion rather than a reader poll, Margo would be in the #1 spot for her work in 9 Songs.
She is in some stage of undress for more than 30 minutes of running time. Stilley and Kieran O'Brien have real sex in real time. You can see everything, including erection, penetration, cunnilingus, fellatio, and a money shot.
|3. Alexis Dziena in
Alexis first came into our sights in this Jim Jarmusch arthouse/crossover film about middle-aged regret, but she's no rookie. She had her first IMDb credit a month after her 18th birthday, and hasn't stopped working in the three years since. Don't look for her to slow down. Obviously, nudity is not a barrier when she wants a role.
If the petite New Yorker doesn't rise to the top as an actress, she's also an aspiring playwright.
|2. Carla Gugino in
I have made no secret of my admiration for what Robert Rodriguez did in this movie. It is a technical marvel, and a real hoot. It is probably among the top ten genre films of all time, along with such greats as The Lord of the Rings, Rear Window, Pulp Fiction and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Unfortunately, the Academy has a preconceived notion of appropriate Oscar selections, and this sexy, violent, sad, and funny film doesn't seem to fit the bill even though it is the highest-rated 2005 film on the IMDB top 250.
Fortunately, our own mini-academy has more sensible voters.
1. Anne Hathaway in Havoc
She was destined for a showbiz career. Her mom was Mr. Drysdale's secretary, and her father wore the second most famous eyepatch in history.
Actually, I have no idea who her parents are, but I know whom she should be calling daddy.
"Yes, Yes. Oh, yes."
Oh. Sorry you had to see that,
See ya next year!
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