The Wash (2001) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Of all the movie sub-genres that have passed quietly into the slagheap of history, perhaps none is mourned more than the Car Wash picture. Well, OK, maybe I miss those drawing-room detective stories more. You know, the ones where the detective gathers all the suspects together in one room and reveals the plot little by little, until he is just about to name the murderer of Lady Barnstable. Then the lights go out, bullets ricochet through the room ...

Oh, sorry. I got to daydreaming there for a minute.

Back to the subject of Car Wash films
Who better to revive this distinguished cinematic tradition than Snoop Dogg? OK, maybe Coolio, but I think Snoop Dogg actually is Coolio in elevator shoes.

NUDITY REPORT
none!

This wasn't a great triumph. The classic Car Wash film requires colorful characters, lots of humor, plenty of naked and bikinied chicks, and plenty of tunes. I couldn't find enough of any of those things to recommend it, but I was able to watch it through. The sound track was OK, if not memorable. The chicks were beautiful, but kept their clothes on. The humor was written for insiders, but I guess I sorta like this kind of humor.

Critics hated it. IMDb voters hate it. I didn't really like it, but I thought it had some moments.

The "plot" concerned the kidnapping of the car wash manager by a couple of guys who could only be considered the black version of "Dumb and Dumber". They called in their ransom demands from their mama's house, and they didn't even block caller ID! Those two guys were funny. The film in general was below average for a car wash flick, which should raise a red flag for you unless you really love Car Wash movies, hip-hop, and black doper humor. I do like those things, so I thought it was almost watchable, but I think most of you will want to take a pass. There isn't even any nudity!

But I do have to love any film that revives the brilliant acting career of Tommy Chong!

The Critics Vote

  • filmcritic.com 1.5/5

The People Vote ...

  • with their dollars .. it turned a profit. Made for $4 million, it grossed about $11 million on only 749 screens, thus making everyone happy except the critics.

 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C-. If you like the whole "gettin' stoned and workin' at the car wash" genre of relaxed jokes and mellow hip-hop, it is almost watchable, and has entertaining moments. If you don't get into that, you probably won't even understand a word of dialogue. It has no crossover appeal at all. It's just one long inside joke.

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