Uncle Scoopy's Fun House at scoopy.net is a daily internet e-zine dedicated to keeping its readers abreast and abuttock of the latest in celebrity nudity.

Having produced a new dated edition every single day since 1995, it may be the oldest continually updated blog still in existence. It's part of the Scoopy universe of sites, which includes The Movie House and Other Crap.

In December of each year, the Fun House runs a members' poll to select the best nude performances among that year's releases.

This year's competition was open to films and TV shows which were released in 2007, or nude scenes not eligible before 2007. On this page Scoop and the members present the poll results, our equivalent of the Oscars, as the top nude scenes of 2007.

Below the top twenty:

It was quite a good year for filmed nudity, and that caused some worthwhile entries to miss the top 20. Here are some,  but by no means all, of my favorites among the also-rans.

Three worth noting:

Laetitia Casta made the top twenty for her performance in Le Grand Appartement, but that was just because she's Laetitia Casta, and was stark naked in the movie. I actually enjoyed Stephanie Pasterkamp's scene much more. Jimmy and Judy was a movie that came out too late in 2006 to draw significant notice on last year's list, and got only a single vote. It would have done better if we had saved it for the 2007 list. I would guess it was a sure Top 20. (To avoid repeating this problem, I have decided to save Ang Lee's new film for the 2008 list.)  In addition, I really expected Catalina Moreno, acclaimed star of Maria, Full of Grace, to make the top twenty for her full-frontal performance in The Hottest State, but she narrowly missed.

A few screen veterans returned to nudity after long absences:

Some years ago, Laura Harring was the dark-haired partner for Naomi Watts' lesbian scenes in Mulholland Drive. All but forgotten since then, she flashed some flesh in 2007 in Ghost Son.  Some years ago, Jane March performed in two of the most erotic mainstream films of all time, The Color of Night and The Lover. Her career petered out, but she returned to nudity this year in The Stone Merchant. Joan Severance is surely in the film nudity Hall of Fame, but is now approaching 50 and had not added to her nudography in about a decade before 2007's Sex and Consequences. Priscilla Barnes is another 50ish actress who demonstrated she still has it in Sex Sells. Lucy Liu did some nudity before she hit the A-list in those Charlie's Angels movies, but she stopped when she hit it big. 2007 was her naked comeback year with Rise: Blood Hunter. Gabrielle Anwar's only previous nudity had been way back in 1993, in Body Snatchers. After a 14-year hiatus, she took off her shirt for 9_Tenths. Melanie Lynskey had not shown her substantial sweater-fillers since Heavenly Creatures, but returned to form in the obscure Park.

A few of the celebrity nudity veterans did scenes which just fell short of top 20 material:

Nicole Kidman showed her shapely bum for the umpteenth time in Fur. Former supermodel Amber Valetta showed some acting chops to go with her breasts in The Last Time. Roselyn Sanchez always seems just a hair short of breaking through to stardom, but never quite makes it. She demonstrated a variety of different talents in Yellow, which she also produced. Eva Mendes is already a star and seems just about ready to burst through as a superstar. She flashed a breast in We Own the Night. Since every human being on the planet has seen Bai Ling's breasts, or at least her nipples, she had no problem showing them again in Shanghai Baby.

Lowbrow comedies produced their usual outpouring of sexy material:

Epic Movie was considerably less than its title promised, but Audra Lynn did a nice full frontal scene. Sophie Monk came just short of the full monty in Sex_and_Death_101. Other sexy laughs were delivered by Irina Voronina in Reno 911, Malin Akerman in The Heartbreak Kid, Chelan Simmons in Good Luck Chuck, and Laura Niles in a wild threesome on TV's Californication. Finally, our rookie of the year came from this category. Nicole Rayburn provided some breasts for three different films:  Blur, Cougar Club, and her best effort in Kisses and Caroms.

And finally, there's usually plenty of flesh on view in horror and murder films:

Olivia Wilde stood out in Alpha Dog. Megan Brown was a sexy victim for Mr. Brooks. Another murder victim, Kristina Klebe, did full frontal and rear nudity in Rob Zombie's Halloween.  And Nicole Wilder did some nice full body nudity in one of the strangest horror films of the year, The Tripper, in which the killer was The Gipper.


Special Mention and Gold Stars:

There were three films released in 2007 which have better celebrity nudity than most if not all of the top twenty. They are limited release films, and not known to a wide spectrum of our voters. But we can't fail to mention them.



Valeria Golino in Il Sole Nero

(3.9 at IMDb)

Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site reported that Valeria was totally naked and seen from every angle for approximately the first five minutes of this film.


Asia Argento in The Last Mistress

(6.5 at IMDb)

Asia needed some airbrushing on her enormous and distinctive abdominal tattoo to present herself as a 19 century aristocrat in this typically explicit film from Catherine Breillat. Of course, that was balanced off by her rather anachronistic breast implants.


Wei Tang in Lust, Caution

(8.1 at IMDb)

Director Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger) always delivers a film which looks beautiful, and this deliberate, NC-17 thriller is no exception.

On to the winners:

Radha Mitchell in Feast of Love

(6.7 at IMDb)

She has delivered some brief nudity before, but it always seemed like a tease. The tease is now officially over. She delivered the goods in Feast of Love.


Vera Farmiga in Never Forever

(5.2 at IMDb)

Turning 30 liberated her. Before that birthday: no nudity. Since then: enough nude scenes in a short enough time to make Nastassja Kinski envious.


Ally Walker in Tell Me You Love Me

Despite the impressive sex scenes performed by her co-stars, it seemed that Ally couldn't possibly make this list. Her character was not having sex with her husband. Then she had a great breakthrough at the end of the series and the couple got it on with some hot mutual masturbation.


Monica Bellucci in The Stone Council

(4.7 on IMDb)

If I had to name the single sexiest woman in the world today, Monica would certainly make my short list, but she deliberately de-glammed for this role.

You can see to the right how butt-ugly she looked.


Ashley Judd in Bug

(6.2 at IMDb)

This is a weird, low-budget arthouse film which is virtually unknown, despite having been directed by William Friedkin of The Exorcist fame.

But no film slips past our voters if a big Hollywood star gets naked from head to toe.


Jaime Murray on Dexter

Dexter did not get a running start in the nudity department, but once Jamie started removing her top there was no stopping her. Our voters noticed that, and couldn't help but notice that she's mighty fine! There's not much meat on her bones, but what's there is prime.


Laetitia Casta in Le Grand Appartement

(5.6 at IMDb)

Since the 1990's, we have always had some flood protection algorithms built into our polling process, but they've never identified any suspicious balloting until this year. Laetitia got only 13 of the first 450 ballots, then suddenly got almost all of the next 50!

If we ignored the necessary statistical corrections, this scene would have finished third in the balloting, but that brief surge of votes was eliminated and La Casta finished tied for 15th.

Somebody really wanted her to win.

Then again, look at her. Who could blame him?


Sonya Walger in Tell Me You Love Me

All three of this show's young stars made the top 20. Sonya may have had the least memorable sex scenes of the three, but she had the most memorable cup size.



Carice van Houten in Black Book

(8.0 at IMDb)

As you probably know, this annual list is based on a poll, not my personal opinion. If the list consisted of my own choices, this would probably be the top theatrical film. It places lower on the list because it's in Dutch and German and is virtually unknown in the States.

My case:

It has a beautiful and talented star. She's  frequently naked. The photography is gorgeous. The film is terrific, both profound and entertaining (a rare combo). And it's one of the best film roles ever written for a woman.

'nuff said


Julianne Nicholson in Flannel Pajamas

(5.4 at IMDb)

You say you never heard of this film? Then you ought to be impressed that it finished this high. If it's an obscure film with a poor IMDb rating and an unknown star, you can bet that a top twenty finish involves some copious nudity, including full frontals. 


Lena Headey in 300

(8.0 at IMDb)

She's been turning in excellent performances in worthwhile films since 1992, many of them naked, yet few people outside the UK had any idea who she was.

It took just one $200 million blockbuster to make the world aware of her almost overnight.


Sienna Miller in Factory Girl

(6.1 at IMDb)

When King John signed the Magna Carta, he agreed that there would always be one female A-list celebrity in the UK who would remain clothing-free, both off and on "ye stage."

When Elizabeth Hurley finally stepped down from this role in the past two years, Sienna Miller was only too happy to pick up the gauntlet.


Keeley Hazell in Cashback

(7.6 at IMDb)

What you see to the right is what you get. That's pretty much the entire scene. And since neither the film nor Keeley is widely known outside the UK, the otherwise inexplicably high ranking for this scene means one thing: men love big breasts.

But you already knew that, didn't you?


Alice Henley in Rome

Season 2, Episode 9

When an unknown actress makes the top ten list, you know the scene ought to be good, and it is. And there were also other great scenes, featuring other actresses,  in that same episode. (See film clips below.)

This scene was rated second among the TV entrants, and might have remained the best TV nude scene ever created for a non-exploitation production, except that Tell Me You Love Me came along a few months later and changed the rules completely.


Heather Graham in Adrift in Manhattan

(5.1 at IMDb)

Sometimes it bothers me that the voters in this poll inevitably seem to vote for the popularity of the stars rather than the actual quality of the nude scenes, but in this case I was willing to make an exception. This is a hot scene, and the fact that it's the perennially adorable Rollergirl makes it even hotter.


Gillian Anderson in Straightheads

(5.8 at IMDb)

Agent Scully did a topless scene in The Turning, before her X-Files days, but this was the first one she has done since she left the TV scene. That means 15 years passed between nude scenes. We are hoping that they start to come more frequently.



Madeline Zima in Californication

If these polls have taught me anything over the years, it's that people love the first time a star gets naked, and they love it even more when the star is someone who grew up before their eyes on TV or in films. That combination of elements has won this poll in the past for such actresses as Katie Holmes and Christina Ricci. This year it assured top five finishes for Natalie Portman and Madeline Zima.

Having noted that, let's acknowledge that the poll result isn't hurt any when the former child actress grows up to have a shape like this!


Michelle Borth in Tell Me You Love Me

This was the top rated television scene, and was the effort that got my personal vote. Michelle got naked many times in the run of the series, and my guess is that her sex scenes were not faked. If they were, it was an impressive impersonation.

(See one example to the right, and many, many film clips below.)

Whether the sex was real or just a convincing simulation, Tell Me You Love Me definitely raised the bar for adult content in legitimate cable dramas.



Natalie Portman in Hotel Chevalier

(7.4 at IMDB)

If this scene had been performed by anyone else but Natalie Portman, it would not have received a single vote. There's nothing to see except two peeks at her butt from oblique angles. (Although it is a very sexy bottom indeed.)

The high ranking reflects the immense reach of her own personal popularity.

(NOTE: Hotel Chevalier is a 13-minute short which precedes The Darjeeling Limited.)



Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

(8.1 at IMDb)

This marks two recent nude scenes for Marisa after a previous lifetime of abstinence. I don't know if she is going to follow the Laura Linney Tao of Nudity (stay fully dressed until 40ish, then never wear clothes again),  but I hope so.

For a while at least.




Christina Ricci in Black Snake Moan

(7.3 at IMDb)

Since Christina also won the poll in 2003 for Prozac Nation, this victory makes her our first-ever repeat champion. Those two wins mark her only nude scenes, a fact which is an obvious tribute to her personal popularity.

The people have spoken, and what they have said is that they want to see Christina naked.

No argument from me.


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