Uncle Scoopy's Fun House at scoopy.net is a daily internet e-zine dedicated to keeping its readers abreast and abuttock of the latest in celebrity nudity.

Having produced a new dated edition every single day since 1995, it may be the oldest continually updated blog still in existence. It's part of the Scoopy universe of sites, which includes The Movie House, French Cinema Nudity,  and Other Crap.

In December of each year, the Fun House runs a members' poll to select the best nude performances among that year's releases.

This year's competition was open to films and TV shows which were released in 2009, or other nude scenes not eligible before 2009. On this page Scoop and the members present the poll results, our equivalent of the Oscars, as the top nude performances of 2009.


There was no overwhelming runaway winner this year. Essentially, it was a three-way horse race between Eva Amurri, Anna Paquin and Jessica Biel, with Amurri barely hanging on for victory in a photo finish.

The death of star-powered nudity

Once again the list was dominated by cable TV shows, straight-to-vid films, arthouse films and specialty products. There were very few nude scenes from films which reached wide general distribution, and the best of those included no established stars. The winner among the "stars in wide theatrical releases" group could have been Anne Heche in Spread, but that film finally ended up in only 103 theaters, so we'd have to call it "arthouse." After that scene, one must look far down the list to find Sandra Bullock in The Proposal, which offers only a fleeting look at the Sandra Buttocks. Vera Farmiga might have offered us the best mainstream nudity from a star in 2009. She did her part, but the director of Up in the Air chose to use a body double for Farmiga's nude scene, even though he had also filmed Farmiga doing the same scene with her own bare bum! Alas! The only consolation for theater-goers is that three of the scenes with relative unknowns are really excellent: in My Bloody Valentine, Betsy Rue does a prolonged 3D scene in which she is completely naked from all angles; in Friday the 13th, curvy Joanna Guill does a wild and highly entertaining sex scene; in Notorious, Naturi Naughton gets natural and naughty during her impersonation of rapper Li'l Kim. 


Category winners:

Top TV nude scene: (1) Eva Amurri on several episodes of season three of Californication, especially episode three; (2) Anna Paquin in various episodes of season two of True Blood, particularly episode one; (3) Lucy Lawless in episode two of Spartacus - Blood and Sand.

Top nude scene in a feature-length film which went straight to video (or had a token theatrical release): (1) Jessica Biel in Powder Blue; (2) Alice Eve in Crossing Over; (3) Miriam McDonald in Poison Ivy 4.

Top nude scene in a feature-length film in arthouse or limited distro: (1) Amber Heard in The Informers; (2) Michelle Williams in Incendiary; (3) Paz de la Huerta in The Limits of Control. Incendiary could have been listed in this category or in the straight-to-vid column because it expressed to vid in North America, but had theatrical runs elsewhere. I arbitrarily stuck it here.

Top nude scene in a feature-length film in wide distribution: (1 - tie) Julianna Guill in Friday the 13th; (1 - tie) Betsy Rue in My Bloody Valentine 3D; (3) Naturi Naughton in Notorious.

Top nude scene in a specialty video: (1) Victoria Abril in Pour Elle; (2) Lindsay Lohan in the short film made for Muse magazine.


Honorable mention:

Here are some items of special interest, even though the performances in question missed the top 20. (The links go to Rapidshare clips.) 

Malin Akerman did a pretty good and somewhat odd nude scene in Watchmen, a popular theatrical release.

Here is the aforementioned Ms Bullock doing her PG-13 nudity in The Proposal.

Maria Bello got kinda kinky in the obscure Downloading Nancy.

Some screen veterans proved that they still have it: Kristin Scott-Thomas in Partir; Monica Bellucci in Don't Look Back; Penelope Cruz in Broken Embraces; Juliette Binoche in Disengagement; and Julia Ormond in The Escorial Conspiracy.

I also enjoyed seeing more of the beautiful Shannyn Sossamon in Life is Hot in Cracktown and the American Beauty cheerleader Mena Suvari in The Mysteries of Pittsburgh.



Continuing education:

For comparison or further study, you may want to consider the following list.




The winners:




Anne Heche in Spread

(6.1 at IMDb)

Spread was not a great film by any means, but it did provide us with a true established star who got naked in a film which was released theatrically in North America. That fact alone made it unique among this year's winners.


Lindsay Lohan in the Muse video

This arty, short film was shot to accompany a photo spread Lindsay Lohan did for a magazine called Muse. The film resembles nothing more than a particularly baffling European jeans commercial, or perhaps an NYU student film from the 1970s, but it did serve the purpose of getting Lohan's very impressive breasts into a motion picture.



Naturi Naughton in Notorious

(6.3 on IMDb)

Naturi is playing the part of rapper Li'l Kim in this biopic of the Notorious B.I.G. It does not seem to be commonplace for women with darker skin tones to place high on our list. There are probably many reasons for that, not the least of which is that there are not that many great nude scenes involving African-American women not named Halle. This scene, however, was an exception to the rule. In my opinion it certainly deserved to make the top ten, perhaps even the top five.


Saffron Burrows in The Guitar

(6.3 on IMDb)

Saffron, six feet tall and about 90% of it legs,  has two great ideas in this film:  (1) when she decides to buy new clothes, she gets naked, throws her old clothing out the window, and stays naked until her spiffy new duds arrive; (2) she decides to whip up some hot girl-on-girl action with Paz de la Huerta.


Charlotte Gainsbourg in Antichrist

(6.8 at IMDb)

Sooner or later somebody had to try to convert torture porn from an exploitation genre to an art form, and it is no surprise that the somebody in question was the legendary film renegade Lars Van Trier, who went whole-hog on it with guilt, dead babies, B&W, opera music, genital mutilation, dream sequences ... you name it. Torture porn mixed with profound and artistic European despair? That's gotta mean fun for the whole family.

Well, it will be fun for anyone who cares to fast-forward to the scene where Charlotte Gainsbourg masturbates vigorously. But you may went to quit before she moves on to the serious mutilation.


Gretchen Mol in An American Affair

(5.9 at IMDb)

An American Affair is probably the Citizen Kane of those movies which are both tender coming-of-age stories and Kennedy assassination conspiracy films.

All right, I admit that's an odd combination of genres, and the film isn't really very good. Neither are the nude scenes, in any objective sense.

But, dude - it's Gretchen Mol topless!


Morena Baccarin in Death in Love

(6.4 at IMDb)

Another cheery film. Holocaust Grand Guignol!

There are some breasts, but the scene has everything possible to make your erection disappear. Pretentious narration, holocaust cruelty, graphic surgery, old people. OK, maybe not EVERYTHING. There's no Rosie O'Donnell.


Miriam McDonald in

Poison Ivy: The Secret Society

(4.9 at IMDb)

The cute blonde Canadian Miriam McDonald, who looks like Anna Kournikova, was a star of "DeGrassi: the Next Generation" for many years, starting when she was 14. She's all grown up now, 21, although she looks younger and is playing a college freshman. If you've lusted after Miriam for years, you're going to be very happy with some of the action here!


Alanna Ubach on Hung

(Season 1, episodes 7 and 10)

The premise of Hung is that a man with ... er ... very impressive credentials ... is not necessarily guaranteed any success in life, or even success with the ladies. One notable exception to the rule is the effect the main character has on his neighbor, Alanna Ubach, who is very enthusiastic about his credentials, and expresses her delight unabashedly.



Claire Forlani in False Witness


This is a British-Aussie mini-series which takes place in London and Sydney and involves ... oh, who cares?

The only important thing about it is this: thank you, oh beautiful Miss Forlani, for making up for all the times we have wished you would remove your clothing and did not.


Paz de la Huerta in The Limits of Control

(6.3 at IMDb)

I was pleased to see this scene finish in the top ten, because it was the one I voted for. It has it all: a good-looking young woman totally naked from every angle, creative ideas, and absolutely brilliant cinematography and lighting.


Julianna Guill in Friday the 13th

(5.7 at IMDb)

Here's another impressive newcomer who got naked for a long and very entertaining sex scene. If the annual poll were restricted to theatrically released films, Julianna would have contended strongly against Amber Heard, Betsy Rue and Paz de la Huerta for the #1 spot.



Betsy Rue in My Bloody Valentine 3D

(5.8 at IMDb)

I cast my vote for Paz de la Huerta in The Limits of Control, but I gave this scene some serious consideration. Not only is Betsy completely naked for several minutes, but the entire project was presented in 3D! As 3D attractions go, breasts sure beat the heck out of The Creature from the Black Lagoon.



Victoria Abril in Pour Elle

season 2, episode 2 of X-Femmes

This could easily have finished #1, and I would have uttered not a word of protest. How often does a 50-year-old international mainstream superstar do a hard-core porn film? Even granting that the most explicit angles were actually inserts performed by a  body double, the scenes which Victoria did herself were good enough to win.

To put it into an American perspective, imagine Kim Basinger or Madonna doing a hard-core porn film with a body double coming in only for a few seconds to add close-ups of oral or genital penetration. God Bless Victoria Abril. She is one of a kind.



Michelle Williams in Incendiary

(5.9 at IMDb)

Here's your recipe for instant cinematic genius: a melodrama about the tragic personal consequences of international terrorism - written and directed by the director of Bridget Jones' Diary.

OK, maybe it wasn't a great idea, but Michelle continues to dazzle us with her acting abilities. There wasn't anything on Dawson's Creek that prepared us for the range and depth of her film and stage performances. More important, she's one of the few major stars who are still getting naked when the movie cameras start rolling.


Lucy Lawless on Spartacus - Blood and Sand

Season 1, Episode 2

Lucy dragged some of her old Xena costumes out of the closet to play Lucretia in this series about the corruption and decadence of Rome, which was apparently the Bangkok of its day. Or at least the Des Moines.

All kidding aside, this is an impressive sex scene. It's unusual, original, and a bit freaky, but also smokin' hot!

This is the first appearance for Lawless on our annual lists. If she looks this good at 41, imagine what those Xena nude scenes could have looked like!



Alice Eve in Crossing Over

(6.9 at IMDb)


If you are really into Reese Witherspoon, then you want to see Alice Eve in this film. She has Reese's  face, about another foot of height, a plethora of womanly curves, a cute Aussie accent, and - best of all - she's nekkid!


Amber Heard in The Informers

(5.4 at IMDb)

Oh, no! Another slice of life drama about the ennui and anomie of young Angelenos. Worse - another message movie which creates a rich and hokey tapestry of multi-ethnic life in L.A. by interweaving several stories which all take place during a short time period. Been there; done that; didn't much care for it.

Hmm ... on the other hand, I like to see Amber Heard naked. Maybe I'll re-watch this a few more times. Five at most.


Jessica Biel in Powder Blue

(6.4 at IMDb)

If the experts are right in saying that Western society measures female beauty by the hip-to-waist ratio, Jessica Biel must be the most beautiful woman on the planet, a walking advertisement for the value of exercise. I don't know about that, but I know she's gorgeous, and we were all quite pleased to see her do some nudity while she is still in such spectacular shape.



Anna Paquin on True Blood

Season 2, Episode 1 and others

Just two short years ago ... oh, wait - they were the usual 365-day years ...  Anna was considered a virgin to screen nudity. Now she is the nude queen. This year's second place for season two of True Blood follows up last year's first place for season one. Indeed, she almost took the blue ribbon again this year, losing to Ms. Amurri by only six votes.




Eva Amurri on Californication

Season 3, Episode 3 and others

(8.7 at IMDb)

The formula for victory in the poll rarely fails: take a young actress who has grown up in the public eye and get her to remove her clothing for the first time. You have a winner. This formula works even when the actress has an unspectacular body, but when she has a full-sized chest like the one on the right, it's a sure-fire powerhouse in the poll. Eva can give half of the credit to her mother, Susan Sarandon, who donated both the necessary fame and the necessary DNA.



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